Why you are still single pdf

Below, HuffPost Divorce bloggers and readers on Facebook share their go-to response to questions about their relationship status. If someone wants to be in my life they have to enhance my life. I give them a look and walk away. There are bigger things to worry about than who is sharing my bed.

Because thanks to online dating, I am capped out on crazy material to add to my next book. So, they have no more desire to be in a relationship anymore. Maybe you have been greatly influenced by Hollywood Romcoms and think that someone will come to look for you and sweep you off your feet then you are likely to ask why am I still single.

When you have high hopes and dreams about life to be played like a movie then you are wrong, you should have to set realistic expectations in a relationship to make it healthy. Well, there is nothing wrong if you are a perfectionist but you should have to give a chance to those whom you like. Do not forget the fact that many couples feel intimacy in each other after spending a few weeks or months together.

This is the most common theme to be seen in many youngsters nowadays when someone cheats on you or ditch you deeply, it hurts a lot and you feel safer to shut off the feelings of your heart to prevent yourself from being hurt more. Experts say that it is a good idea to take time to heal your heart after a rough breakup. Life is the name of compromises; many girls are still single because they are not willing to compromise in a relationship. Looking for the next best thing is more prioritized by them rather than building a strong bond with their current partner.

This pattern happens all the time when after a break up you look for another one who is just like your ex, or nothing like your ex apparently. Taking a close look at your past relationships can be very helpful for you if you fall into this category. Another factor is your family history, if you grew up in an environment that was abusive then eventually you will find yourself in an abusive relationship. You should have to make better choices for a future relationship.

In this case, you try to see the new relationship in the canvas of the past, you always choose to compare your date with your ex so that if you find any similarity you just run! You should have to see the new relationship in a brand new love lens, accept them, and enjoy your date rather than taking it as an interview.

Not every person is desperate for not being in a relationship. They try to work on themselves and make them fit emotionally , financially, spiritually, and mentally before drag someone in their life. People might think that you are still single because of your high standards but in my opinion, it is better to be single rather than to compromise and settle down in a relationship unwillingly just because you have societal pressure on you. Modern dating has become more objectifying.

How can just a picture of someone depict them? And you just look for the similarity and ping them in the messages and depending on your texting skills. Just like you meet someone in the bar, being half inebriated looking for someone to sleep with is not a healthy way to start a relationship. The main point is, you are looking at the wrong place. Maybe you are contented with your current situation of being single, or you have grown up in such an environment that teaches you to be self-reliant and you only learn to count on yourself.

It is an important social skill to get closer to someone and healthily share your feelings. But some of us lack this skill due to the invalidating environment of your house.

You must need to practice to tolerate intimacy. Attachments hurt, and this thing made people afraid of being in a relationship. We caste our past vision into the future and suppose the next outcome will be the same if we get into a new relation. This condition is known as catastrophizing; viewing a situation as worse than it is.

You need to aware of the factors that are involved in a healthy relationship. Read books or talking with experts will help you a lot. You observe people on dates , how they act, talk, and respond. You are more curious to know about their mentality rather than appearance. Accept you as you are. I am 36 and never had a girlfriend. I am not gay Just the thought of finding someone, to settle down, to have a family never crosses my mind. I never see a need to.

I like your comment Dan very true. I was married for over 40 years and got divorced last year. I now moved and started a new life in a different area. Joined local activities and clubs which I go to most days. My well being and mental health as improved and I feel 20 years younger. You must life your life the way you think fit not everyone wants to subscribe to main-stream views and lifestyles.

Good luck with your life good health and happiness. I hate how society tries to mold people into stereotypes. I love women but I also like having my own space. Personally, I find it difficult to relate to most people in general.

I want to remain single because i have been cheated plus i am a religious guy.. And nowadays no girl is religious , they are just immature who love to booze and sleeping around before marriage. And i am virgin and celibate. Yep, typical Indian male mentality mindset. You just want a perfect girl naari to drop on to your lap without moving a muscle. Dating is not for insecure men. And for some people love means something else, like their career, and till the end they are just happy that way.

So what now? The question is what can I do to change and how? Well i certainly do blame God for my singleness, and i never asked for God to put me on this rotten earth to begin with.

Loneliness is no fun at all, and when your friends are settled down with their own life which makes it worse for us. I have the same view but about men. My ex husband alcoholic gambler. My first expartner dumped me for a younger one and left me with his debts to pay. That one truly broke my heart. My second and last ex partner abused me verbally and physically.

He stole things from me when leaving. Feeling lonely? Risk again? I understand how you feel, Just remember looks are the number one reason people become attracted to each other, next of course is money, so if you have a college degree and a great paying job you will never be lonely again, most women are looking for these factors, in addition go to the gym and get in great shape, all these things will increase your chances of some woman liking you, It is considered a trade off, you get what you want and they get what they want.

Hang in there, life is not fair and it is not our fault that god allows some people to be blessed with looks and others to be ugly. It is about time that someone admitted that looks initially causes someone to be attracted to someone else.

When one person first meets another it is impossible for them to be attracted by personality, only looks. If you are ugly like myself, especially as a woman, then you will remain single in spite of wanting to be in a relationship. I totally understand how u feel. Ive been there. My vice was binge eating. Thats how i coped with all my anxiety and depression. Ive been see o ng a therapist for 3 years, and she has helped me from hell and back twice.

Im now making an effort to live a healthy lifestyle mentally, and physically. We are our worst enemy. Start journaling to let your anger out. Now i have less anger d y e to journaling and 2 mile walks everyday. I feel at peace with myself and finally value my life. Hang in there you will get it, just talk to your doctor and be honest towards yourself. I had to let some people know how i felt, it wasnt easy but you will get the courage to eliminate whats toxic in your life.

If you lack a social group that can fix you up — as most singles do — then you have to consider other options. Most of my friends come from college. That never happens. Like I said, there has to be a context. Yes i go out because i have to go out to work, i meet different people in that area because i work as a tax collector and a cashier.

I have now been alone for 36 years. Because I want to be. I was married before plus in relationships but I much rather cook if I feel like it, eat what and when I want, sit at the computer all day if I want and not have to pry the TV remote from a mans fingers to watch a program that I like! I get the recliner or the couch, I get to sleep in the middle of the bed and I can leave my pajamas on all day if I want.

And the best part is not having to listen to anyone soul talking about themselves all day long. I am a 34 year old single guy. I am East Indian. I think my culture has a lot to do with why I am single. I am particularly attracted to white women blond hair, blue eyes, or black hair, brown eyes. I am not attracted to black women unless they have that mulatto look like Zoe Saldana. Sorry, no offense to black women. I guess beauty is skin deep.

I also live in a small town where there are few single women. To me, a single woman who has children represents extra baggage in a relationship. I guess I am a bit picky on the type of partner I desire. Since I am well educated, I would like a woman who is also well-educated university material. To me, children behave and are raised better, when the mother is well educated and emphasizes learning in the home.

I have three university degrees and I have a wonderful job that pays me very well. With what I earn, I have been able to travel to many different countries that many of my colleagues have not been able to and I have been thankful to God for everything he has given me.

I have also tried to be more proactive and get involved with different things in my community. I am also planning to join karate and do some boxing and so meet more people in the community that I would not normally meet. I have sent many messages to at least 50 women and I got two emails back. I think it is only common courtesy for these women to reply back after you have emailed them.

If they are not interested in your profile, they should at least type a one-liner and let you know. Sometimes this really gets me down, I feel frustrated and need to vent to someone.

Also afraid to talk to my parents, as they are a bit judgemental. Looking for any further suggestions as I would really like to settle down and be a happily married man in a long term relationship. You seem like a good man…like a lot of the good men out there that are still single. I am going to tell you something that most here or anywhere do not want to admit. That is, some people are just not meant to have a partner. It is like the animal kingdom were the alpha animals get the females.

Women are driven by a natural desire to be with the alpha males. Fact of the matter is this…if you are not looking for a plain looking, chubby woman, you are not ever going to get married.

I am not trying to be mean…just stating the truth. I too am educated, financially set one blessing from very little dating or women in my life , pleasant personality, and every girls best friend at work. However, I always get turned down on dates from single woman whether they be from work, grocery store, online, etc because I am not good looking, somewhat chubby, and balding. I am 35 and have just about thrown in the towel on ever finding love.

I find that single woman my age are even more disgruntled about being single than I am. Most I meet have also given up and prefer to just be single in their comfort zone. I am about there myself.

Also, I am less motivated to find someone as I get older because just as I am getting more unattractive with age, so are all the middle aged women. I am just less attracted to them and refuse to be with someone I am not attracted to. So, with that said, I cannot be bitter about the fact that women are not attracted to me.

That is life my friend. I find comfort in everything else I have accomplished and truly feel that you have to make peace with the situation and focus instead on the positive aspects of your life. I have a lot to be happy about. I am very lucky in many other ways. I thank God for that. I recently got a boxer dog and she is a great companion. She loves me unconditionally, wants to hang out with me, waits by the door for me to come home when I am out of the house, and cannot access my bank account.

I retire from the military in 4 years, have saved since the age of 16 and have started construction on my dream home. Once retired age 40 , I will spend the rest of my life indulging in my hobbies. It would be nice to have a women to share it all with, but I move forward happy…regardless. Move forward. Find your happiness. Focus on the positives. Very well articulated Bill. You state the truth with no apprehensions. Might I add…I am Have a decent job 19 year firefighter with a major southern city , and yes…I am single.

I am always polite, and consider myself a southern gentleman. I can easily get laid…. However, my expectations are not that I expect a 24 yr old pretty girl to be commited to me. But I find that being quite courteous and generous with my money , that I can easily find an attractive bed partner. I can never keep them for long however…lol. What I have found…is this. This also happens with females of my own age. Again…I will say it…Woman say they want a nice guy…. Niceness gets me laid….

If it makes you feel any better, some of us pretty, ambitious, 24yo prefer nice gentlemen who are in their 40s so long as we have things in common, like passion.

I find myself wanting to discuss world events with him or just hear his perspectives on different issues. I am also 34 year old Indian man thats pretty much in the same boat all though I am not well educated. I believe I am single because of my culture. Personally I got used to being alone.

When really it was never there. It could also be that you sound very shallow and contradict yourself with what you want. If you want pretty blonde white women with a university degree, they are not going to want to stay home and make sure the children are well educated at home as you indicated. This is actually not Dude, it seems that you have enough money to buy yourself a wife.

You said yourself you are attracted to beautiful or at least pretty women and not mentioned anything about personality so why not travel to Thailand and make someone very rich and buy yourself companion. They tend to be petite and cute and they will be greatful that they can now provide for their family back home when they marry you. Problem solved. This is a very interesting article. I have never been married and my parents are divorced and not the greatest parents ever.

However I have had loving experiences with other relatives and relationships and I feel aware enough to reject the unfortunate role models and try to embrace love.

My experience as a middle aged woman is that I am a little burnt out after trying for so long. I hate to say this, but as a beautiful heterosexual female I feel that most of the men my age are so jaded that they are seriously not open to having a relationship.

I am a kind, loving and energetic woman. The men are so full of fear I am rejected as a spinster, too old and so on.

I believe this is their projection of their last failed relationship that they have really not resolved. You cannot believe the unkind things I have heard from grown men. These guys have issues. I have had to end many conversations just to protect myself.

Many of us have been hurt, and some have no feeling whatsoever that they should at least be kind to one another. They really do continue to blame their parents. As I said, I have 2 difficult parents. I learned from their conduct how I do not want to act. Some people seem to use it as a shield or an excuse for their bad behavior. There is such a stereotype against single middle aged women that have ever been married.

These guys really have no interest in claiming their manhood. I am so frightened of going out these days in account of the cruel things men say. They have serious problems. Hate to say it, but I blame the men. Stuck in the past and hostility towards middle aged women is their unresolved issues with another girl or failure to move from the excuse of their dysfunctional family. And if they are seriously interested in remaining single, why could they not at least be cordial to the single ladies.

These men have no manners. Why would I go out to get roughed up by ignorant men. I would never say the unkind things I have heard out of the mouths of people in social settings. Whatever their issues or preference, they lack social graces. Kind manners go a very long way to making things move in a positive direction. I have met affluent, educated people without a shred of social grace.

These people should really stay at home. I am sorry to hear about your situation with men and I fully empathize with you. Its great you have a support network of relatives who you can talk to, as well, since you have a lukewarm relationship with your parents.

Just because the men you have met are rude and inconsiderate, it does not mean that all men are like that. I believe that there is someone out there for you. Just as there is someone out there for me. Just hope, pray and have faith. Never ever give up. Rather than focusing too much on people who do not return your love, focus on those people who love you, ones you are not too crazy about and ones you would not normally consider.

Finding love is like marketing your product in a business. If a man who started a business charged dollars for his product and there were 1 or 2 customers, he would have to lower his price for the product, so he would have more customers. Likewise, you may need to lower your expectations of the ideal man for you. In reality, there is no ideal man out there.

Yes, there are men that look attractive on the outside, but they are rude and obnoxious inside. They marry, later get tired of the woman, then divorce and later find another woman. They appear happy on the outside but they are never really satisfied inside. Then, there is the overweight middleaged, slightly balding guy. He might not seem physically attractive to you, but he might have a heart of gold, be a true gentleman. You bypass him, yet he makes you laugh.

You can easily talk to him. He is not judgemental as some of those attractive guys and he simply adores you. You need to consider him seriously as your future partner because with him you will find happiness for life. Also you need to get yourself out there. Join clubs where you meet other middle-aged people. Take up a hobby. If 70 and 80 year olds can find love, then so can you. Just never give up. Well i was certainly raised by very good parents, and so many women today were raised by very bad parents.

The good old days were certainly the best since many men and women had to really struggle to make ends meat, so women had no choice since they had to accept their men for who they were when both men and women had no money to begin with which many men and women had to live with their parents. That is a good reason why marriages lasted a very long time, and our parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles had very long marriages back then. So since the times have changed, so have the women which certainly explains why there are so many of us single men today.

You contradicted yourself. Most of the women I know make more money than the men they are in relationships with. Many of us are about all those other things a good man can provide such as support, companionship, physical intimacy, love, loyalty, family. She could have married the next suitor so her kids could eat, but she refused to go down that road again.

I take great offense to any suggestion that women and their children should be put in that situation again just so some men can have their egos rubbed. Older men exclude older women.

You can realistically expect to have your cake and eat it too. Men are very very very picky and idealistic. It is what it is. Very True Story. My cousin went to a singles dance with his friend many years ago and saw this girl that he was very attracted to which he said to his friend that someday i will marry her. And God punishes many of us Single men and women that would had certainly wanted the same thing.

Go Figure. One very good reason many middle aged men are cynical and jaded about relationships is the financial ruin that many go through after their partner files for divorce. Roughly three quarters of divorces are initiated by women. All the loneliness in the world is far more preferable to me than the wreck. I still wear my ring, not as a reminder of the past relationship but rather, as a deterrent.

Much to the dismay of most of my friends and family, I have decided that staying single is a far better choice for me. My brother just went through a nasty divorce. As you stated, you are not alone. Stories like yours and my brothers make me feel a bit better about never getting married. Good luck going forward. Everybody loses. I find myself going through longer and longer phases of loneliness, terrible loneliness.

I have a lot of women friends and do socialize with them during the week, but nights and weekends are reserved for their families husbands,children and grandchildren. I am kind of their touchstone to another life, the single middle aged woman friend. I passed up marriage for a career that never really materialized. No children although I did want to have children. I should have cut my losses and moved on but we spent years trying to be friends. Why I ask myself? I should have started dating in a serious way, but instead I closed down and really gave up.

I am 53 now and I look back and see clearly how I passed up trying and being open to finding a husband and father for the children I wanted and the family life I wanted. I am very alone and no one in my life really knows how alone. My married friends have no clue how difficult it is to date now. I would rather keep my loneliness to myself and fill my time when I am not working with my interests.

I am single because men I meet and date just want sex and are not serious about commitment. I watch porn once in awhile but i still want to spoil somone with love and affection. I even consider myself attractive too but seems nobody wants commitment these days.

My last partner i made clear my feelings. Even after sex i tried many sweet gestures to win her over to no avail, i stayed with her when she needed me and tried to make her laugh and happy, always respected her feelings.

Then when i finally gave up and stopped trying we met up again 3 months later while she had a new bf that she decided to come out and tell me about, i didnt ask.

I said congrats and continued my work. Same night she showed up an hour later to ask if i wanted to makeout after im off work. I looked at her with my broken heart and just walked away saying nothing. She claims to my old friends she had too many booze that night. Every relationship ve been in was very similiar. Just people taking my love for granted and me getting fed up with it over time. I have been in a very similar situation me being in your shoes and it really sucks!

I understand being scared to open up again. Same with me, although to add that every time I talk to a guy, he immediately wants to rush into a relationship. No guy that I have come across ever want to take his time to get to know me.

Guys, if you are reading this…. Keep doing your thing. Stick behind your beliefs and what you do and believe in yourself. The consequences of such an internal problem are extremely diverse: starting from the inability to make friends, and ending with the unwillingness to fall in love and pay attention to the one who is next to you.

It is difficult to struggle with complexes and uncertainty, but you can do that if you really want. You are single for a reason. First, giving pieces of advice, you put yourself above other people. No matter how much empirical your experience is and it might have changed your whole life radically, nobody cares.

Most people do not need your so-called help, they want to communicate with people, they want to be heard but not to learn ways to live better. Moreover, you should not overestimate your abilities: if you are not successful and rich, then no one will listen to you. People will get tired of you and will avoid your morality lessons in every possible way. Stop thinking that you are the most important person on the planet. Stop focusing only on your desires.

Stop thinking only about yourself. People need reciprocity and attention to themselves. So, being single is your natural state. You are too picky. In life, not everything goes the way you want it. You will not please everyone at least because all people have their own opinion.

Deal with it and relax. Otherwise, you will spend the rest of the days in grumbling loneliness, constantly complaining, scolding and thinking about reasons you are single. Nobody likes such people. If they are called into the company, then perhaps due to the sense of compassion or for a certain benefit. People want to communicate, share memories, and not listen to complaints about that only idiots are around and everything is bad.

It is quite a lot of negativity around and nobody will want to hear your whining. It's not even about you, it's about your attitude to people. Sex is wonderful, no one argues, and the abundance of partners has not harmed anyone yet. But everywhere there are limits. Living such a life, you begin to view the opposite sex exclusively as the universal evil and a way to satisfy lust, that's all. It seems to you that you have known their essence. This is cynicism, and there is nothing good about it.

Repeating the same thing, you lose the opportunity to reveal your sexuality, which can be acquired in a relationship. To you, it seems boring and uninteresting. What is an ideal? This is a mysticism, the product of the imagination, what you have invented yourself, and what is not always true.

You can try to find it, but it is very likely to spend the whole life searching.